God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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