how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize