I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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