yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
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what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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