God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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