I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
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is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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