I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
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I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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