and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
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No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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