Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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