i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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