a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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