At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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