omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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