A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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