it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
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I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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