so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
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5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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