If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
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