Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
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I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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