sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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