Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
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Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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