just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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