I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize