we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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