what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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