Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
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we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
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I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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