It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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