what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize