The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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