woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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