Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize