hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
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So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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