Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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