but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
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dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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