you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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