drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
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I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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