So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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