Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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