P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im holly from the hills drunk
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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