So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize