did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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