Just fell off a train. Bad.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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