If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
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is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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