hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize