I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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