I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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