So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
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Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
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Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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