He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
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I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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