how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize