Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
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my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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