Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize